USE ‘A TIME TO CRY' - RIDE IT OUT
We find that there is no way around the time of grief after a dearly loved one dies. If a person denies the mourning period, then he or she must remain unsettled until he does mourn the person later in his life. Go ahead and mourn: cry, think about your loss, be hurt. Bear your sadness, anguish, misery and regret for a time.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything
there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
8 A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 7:1 A good name is better than precious ointment, And the day of death better than the day of one's birth;
2 Better to go to the house of
mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all
men; And the living will take it to heart. 3 Sorrow is better than laughter,
For by a sad countenance the heart is made better. 4 The heart of the wise
is in the house of mourning, But the heart of fools is in the house of
CARE FOR THE CHILDREN
It presents quite challenge when the parent of a young child dies. If you are the surviving parent then in your time of mourning you must also take care of your responsibility to your children. Your little children need certain care at this time in order to improve their peace in years to come.
Often, children are left with others during the busy times just before and just after a death. This may give children a sense that they are not wanted. Keep them informed as much as their understanding allows. If it is necessary to leave your children in someone else's care then be sure to call them and talk with them more than usual when you do see them. Don't talk only about the problem. This is a case when a child can be a special blessing to a parent. Take advantage of that blessing. Its good for you and its good for your children.
One thing they need to know is that their parent's death was not their fault. Children sometimes figure that it is. They then punish themselves for something they did not do. Explain to them what actually did cause their parent to die. Assure them that it was not their fault.
Children are also often concerned
or frightened about their own future when there is a death in the family.
They need assurance that the other parent will not leave them or die, that
they themselves will not die like the parent or brother who died, and that
they will still be taken care of, even though one who used to take care
of them is gone.
In short, a bereaved child needs a lot of special care, assurance, and love. This is so important to the child's future that it must take precedence over the surviving parent's personal feelings of loss and hurt. Of course its OK to cry with your child, you both need that.
A FUNERAL WITH FRIENDS
It is good to have your friends with you for a time of mourning. Their quiet support will help ease the pain. It is a good time to review the life of the deceased and especially to remember all the good times and blessings of their life.
Genesis 49:33 And when Jacob had finished commanding his sons, he drew his feet up into the bed and breathed his last, and was gathered to his people. 50:1 Then Joseph fell on his father's face, and wept over him, and kissed him.
3 . . . and the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days.4 And when the days of his mourning were past, Joseph spoke to the household of Pharaoh, saying, "If now I have found favor in your eyes, please speak in the hearing of Pharaoh, saying, 5 'My father made me swear, saying, "Behold, I am dying; in my grave which I dug for myself in the land of Canaan, there you shall bury me." Now therefore, please let me go up and bury my father, and I will come back.'"
And Pharaoh said, "Go up and
bury your father, as he made you swear." 7 So Joseph went up to bury his
father; and with him went up all the servants of Pharaoh, the elders of
his house, and all the elders of the land of Egypt, 8 as well as all the
house of Joseph, his brothers, and his father's house. Only their little
ones, their flocks, and their herds they left in the land of Goshen. 9
And there went up with him both chariots and horsemen, and it was a very
great gathering. 10 Then they came to the threshing floor of Atad, which
is beyond the Jordan, and they mourned there with a great and very solemn
lamentation. He observed seven days of mourning for his father.
Numbers 20:29 Now when all the
congregation saw that Aaron was dead, all the house of Israel mourned for
Aaron thirty days.
Deuteronomy 34:8 And the children
of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days. So the days
of weeping and mourning for Moses ended.
10 But since then there has not arisen in Israel a prophet like Moses, whom Yahweh knew face to face, 11 in all the signs and wonders which Yahweh sent him to do in the land of Egypt, before Pharaoh, before all his servants, and in all his land 12 and by all that mighty power and all the great terror which Moses performed in the sight of all Israel.
2 Samuel 1:11 Therefore David took hold of his own clothes and tore them, and so did all the men who were with him. 12 And they mourned and wept and fasted until evening for Saul and for Jonathan his son, for the people of Yahweh and for the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.
You may want to write down how wonderful the person was, like David did for Saul, Jonathan and Abner:
2 Samuel 1:17 Then David lamented with this lamentation over Saul and over Jonathan his son,
18 and he told them to teach the children of Judah the Song of the Bow; indeed it is written in the Book of Jasher:
19 "The beauty of Israel is slain on your high places! How the mighty have fallen!
20 Tell it not in Gath,
Proclaim it not in the streets of Ashkelon;
Lest the daughters of the Philistines rejoice,
Lest the daughters of the uncircumcised triumph.
21 "O mountains of Gilboa,
Let there be no dew nor rain upon you,
Nor fields of offerings.
For the shield of the mighty is cast away there!
The shield of Saul, not anointed with oil.
22 From the blood of the slain,
from the fat of the mighty,
the bow of Jonathan did not turn back,
and the sword of Saul did not return empty.
23 "Saul and Jonathan were beloved
and pleasant in their lives,
and in their death they were not divided;
They were swifter than eagles,
they were stronger than lions.
24 "O daughters of Israel, weep
who clothed you in scarlet, with luxury;
who put ornaments of gold on your apparel.
25 "How the mighty have fallen in the midst of the battle!
Jonathan was slain in your high places.
26 I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan;
you have been very pleasant to me;
your love to me was wonderful,
surpassing the love of women.
27 "How the mighty have fallen,
and the weapons of war perished!
2 Samuel 3:33 And the king sang over Abner and said:
"Should Abner die as a fool dies? 34 Your hands were not bound nor your feet put into fetters; as a man falls before wicked men, so you fell."
Then all the people wept over him again.
35 And when all the people came
to persuade David to eat food while it was still day, David took an oath,
saying, "Elohim do so to me, and more also, if I taste bread or anything
else till the sun goes down!"
USE SEX CORRECTLY IN MOURNING
The stress of sorrow affects
our body in many ways. You may find that you want to sleep a lot more than
usual or that you have trouble sleeping. You may eat more or less than
usual. You may feel cold or too warm. You may also feel a greater or lesser
desire (need?) for sex.
Genesis 4:25 And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and named him Seth, "For Elohim has appointed another seed for me instead of Abel, whom Cain killed."
Genesis 24:67 Then Isaac brought
her into his mother Sarah's tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his
wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebecca,
David and Bathsheba, and many others have all sought comfort together in
their marriage bed after the loss of a loved one. This is a natural and
right thing to do. If you are married it is wise to seek this comfort.
If your wife or husband has been bereaved be sure to be sensitive to their
changing needs in this way. Be very gentle and especially loving. Be very sensitive
to their needs. Tell them you love them even more often than usual.
It will help.
The other side of this coin can be a great temptation if you are NOT married. Be especially careful not to allow yourself to be drawn into sin by your grief. The commandments do not get suspended when you are hurting. If you are not married then you will just have to get through it without this comfort. If you need help, then ask other believers you know to pray for your strength and also stay close to Yahweh in your own prayer and ask for His help. Please be very careful, because many people have fallen into sin at times of stress and sorrow.
ACCEPT IT AND CARRY ON
After a suitable mourning period you still have to do the dishes and/or see the customers. Arise! Go!
Joshua 1:2 "Moses My servant
is dead. Now therefore, ARISE, GO over this Jordan, you and all these people,
to the land which I am giving to them; the children of Israel."
Ruth 1:6 Then she arose with her daughters-in-law so that she might return from the country of Moab, for she had heard in the country of Moab that Yahweh had visited His people by giving them bread. 7 Therefore she went out from the place where she was, and her two daughters-in- law with her; and they went on the way to return to the land of Judah.
8 And Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law,
"GO, return each to her mother's house. Yahweh deal kindly with you, as
you have dealt with the dead and with me. 9 "Yahweh grant that you may
find rest, each in the house of her husband." Then she kissed them, and
they lifted up their voices and wept.
1 Samuel 16:1 Now Yahweh said
to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him
from reigning over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and GO; I am sending
you to Jesse of Bethlehem. For I have provided Myself a king among his
2 Samuel 12:15 Then Nathan departed to his house. And Yahweh struck the child that Uriah's wife bore to David, and it became ill.
16 David therefore pleaded with Elohim for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. 17 So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them.
18 Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. For they said, "Indeed, while the child was alive, we spoke to him, and he would not heed our voice. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He may do some harm!"
19 When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead. Therefore David said to his servants, "Is the child dead?"
And they said, "He is dead."
20 So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of Yahweh and worshiped. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate. 21 Then his servants said to him, "What is this that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive, but when the child died, you arose and ate food."
22 And he said, "While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who can tell whether Yahweh will be gracious to me, that the child may live?' 23 "But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me."
24 Then David comforted Bathsheba
his wife, and went in to her and lay with her. So she bore a son, and he
called his name Solomon [Peace]. Now Yahweh loved him.
Matthew 26:38 Then He said to them, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me."
39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, "O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; NEVERTHELESS, not as I will, but as You will."
Whatever happens to a believer
who loves Yahweh is for the good (Romans 8:28). We have many promises and
examples that show that our end will be a good one. Surely all mankind
must die; but Yahweh's purpose for us WILL BE REALIZED in the end.
Psalms 102:16 For Yahweh shall
build up Zion;
He shall appear in His glory.
17 He shall regard the prayer
of the destitute,
And shall not despise their prayer.
18 This will be written for the
generation to come,
That a people yet to be created may praise Yahweh.
19 For He looked down from the
height of His sanctuary;
From heaven Yahweh viewed the earth,
20 To hear the groaning of the
To release those appointed to death,
21 To declare the name of Yahweh in Zion,
And His praise in Jerusalem.
Psalms 118:18 Yahweh has chastened me severely, but He has not given me over to death.
Psalms 116:15 Precious in the sight of Yahweh is the death of His saints.
Hosea 13:14 "I will ransom them
from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death.
O Death, I will be your plagues! O Grave, I will be your destruction! Pity is hidden from My eyes."
Even the Messiah had to die;
but consider the great good that came from that:
John 16:19 Now Yahshua knew that they desired to ask Him, and He said to them, "Are you inquiring among yourselves about what I said, 'A little while, and you will not see Me; and again a little while, and you will see Me'? 20 Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but YOUR SORROW WILL BE TURNED INTO JOY. 21 A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. 22 Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you 23 And in that day you will ask me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. 24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
Revelation 21:1 Now I saw a new
heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed
away. Also there was no more sea.
2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from Yahweh, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of Yahweh iswith men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. Yahweh Himself will be with them and be their Elohim. 4 And Yahweh will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
Even so, come Messiah Yahshua!
Additional Scriptures you may
wish to read
for better understanding and for encouragement.
1 Samuel 2:8 -10
2 Samuel 22:4-51
Psalms 107:8 -15
1 John 3 -17
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Br Tom Schattke - Scriptural